Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
