Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
