So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
