My first STD was from a foam party
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
