You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
