those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
