Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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