looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
