one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
