I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
