is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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