he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
