i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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