Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
