so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize