Im at strip club and am horny
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
