I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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