im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
