thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
