Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
