is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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