Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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