I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
