Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
