Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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