Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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