Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
