I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
