'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm too high and old for this...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
