I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize