And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
