I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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