babies were throwing up all over the place
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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