its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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