Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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