Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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