For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
