Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
organizing the empties. That sober.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
