Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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