she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
