When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
