Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
