I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize