So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
