i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
