It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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