yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
