mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
