well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
