I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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