I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
