My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
