My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
