all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
