so that wasnt chicken after all
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
