he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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