Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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