I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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