I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
