In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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