Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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