I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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