? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
