How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
