Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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