So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
