You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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