I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
