does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
